Sometimes, Written Word Is Write On

Bert Blyleven showed us a lot when he left this note taped to his locker after a recent bombing at Tiger Stadium:

Dearest media,

I STUNK TODAY.

Bert Blyleven

P.S. The weather was nice.

Blyleven showed us he had a sense of humor, which we already knew, and he showed us he had perspective, which is good, and he showed us he could write.

Learn something new every day.

Those were Blyleven’s only words to the press corps that day, but they more than sufficed. Most sportswriters should cut to the quick of the matter so succinctly.

Blyleven also set an example for every athlete, coach, manager and front office official who ever grew weary of the daily question-and-answer barrage. You don’t want to talk to us? We understand. Just leave us a note.

A few we’d like to see:

Dearest media...

I STUNK TODAY.

Jack Clark

P.S. It’s Gwynn’s fault.

YOU STINK.

Mike Witt

P.S. The weather? That’s none of your business.

FELT A TWINGE. BACK IN THREE MONTHS.

Dick Schofield

WENT OUT FOR A WALK.

Devon White

P.S. Just kidding.

I SUBMIT TO YOU, AT THIS POINT IN TIME, THAT IT WOULD NEITHER BE PRUDENT NOR APPROPRIATE TO ELABORATE UPON THE DETAILS OF MY SUDDEN DEPARTURE, NOR AM I AT LIBERTY TO DISCUSS THE PARTICULARS OF MY RETURN.

Mike Port

MIKE PORT AND I WENT TO LUNCH. BACK IN AN HOUR.

Doug Rader

OUT GETTING MY SOUL RE-APPRAISED.

Jeff Torborg

GOTT 3 HITZ. WE ONE. LATER, DOODS.

Lenny Dykstra

I GOT MINE. TALK TO MY AGENT.

Jose Canseco

IF YOU NEED ME, I’M IN SANDY ALDERSON’S OFFICE.

Rickey Henderson

I JUST REMEMBERED SOMETHING, BUT I FORGOT WHAT IT IS.

Luis Polonia

CHAMPAGNE BRUNCH TOMORROW. MY PLACE AT 11. ALL CY YOUNG VOTERS INVITED.

Dave Stewart

GONE TO ITALY.

Bo Kimble

P.S. For vacation, Elgin, just for vacation.

YOU CAN REACH ME AT HOME. EVERYBODY ELSE DOES.

Jim Abbott

TOO TIRED TO TALK.

Cal Ripken

P.S. But I don’t need a day off.

I CAN’T EXPLAIN.

Eric King

TELL DALE BROWN I FINALLY MADE IT TO DENVER.

Chris Jackson

P.S. Say Hi to Marty Blake for me.

LOOKING INTO THIS AYSO THING. THEY SAY EVERYBODY PLAYS.

Dante Bichette

JUST GOT LUCKY.

Russ Nixon

I FINALLY GOT WHAT I WANT.

Greg Bell

P.S. I think.

WHO’S THE LITTLE DWARF?

Marcus Allen

IS IT TOO LATE TO APOLOGIZE?

John McEnroe

STEP OUTSIDE. ALL OF YOU.

Tom Kelly

I JUST WORK HERE.

Stump Merrill

I JUST DON’T KNOW.

Bo

IF SPARKY CALLS, TELL HIM TO KISS MY $%& .

Kirk Gibson

P.S. I love that guy.

THANKS FOR THE KIND WORDS ABOUT THE NO-HITTER. THINK I GOT ENOUGH VOTES FOR COOPERSTOWN?

Nolan Ryan

P.S. If not, let me know. I can throw another.

ANY OPENINGS AT YOUR PAPERS?

John Wathan

I JUST FEEL PRETTY IN PINK.

Andre Agassi