ROCKTALK : Tao Jonz Has a Gift for Its Unique Kind of Music : Santa Barbara is Dancing to the Quirky Quartet’s Wild Mix of Funk, Reggae and Rock.

All ready for Tao Jonz on New Year’s Eve? I was too. Much like the Rams, forget it. A gig foul-up will keep these guys off the stage anywhere until Jan. 14 at Calypso in Santa Barbara. The quartet, with its quirky funk/reggae/rock sound, has been making people dance and club owners rich in Santa Barbara for the last four years. These popular purveyors of happening harmonies have always had a novel approach to dispensing their music to the public.

“We’ve given away 500--no 800--CDs over the last four or five months,” said bassist and lead singer Doug Jaffe. “We figure wherever we go, there’ll be someone who’s heard Tao Jonz. I’ve got a few of the first one and the second one left, but we haven’t decided whether or not to order more. Right now we’re working on a new CD, which should be out in about four months or so.”

Remember that kiddie critter book we all had to read in first grade about that little mongoose that could, Riki Tiki Tavi? Now it’s a Tao Jonz song with a better beat and fewer cobras, and will probably be on their new one.

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Remember the Anaconda Theater in Isla Vista? So do the cops. The venue gradually went away when the venue lost its liquor license. The powers-that-be were less than impressed by shows such as Ice-T on Halloween. This year, even Halloween in Isla Vista was canceled. Anyway, the Anaconda promoter, Robert Antonini, took his act downtown and is now promoting shows at a 500-seat venue (650 standing), the Red Dog Saloon, a few blocks from the blue Pacific.

Did you miss Cracker at the Red Dog last week? So did everyone else. Singer/songwriter David Lowery had a sore throat and canceled the gig. Next up at that venue is Bad Religion on Jan. 9. Don’t forget those earplugs and those combat boots--oh, and that heartfelt frown.

So while Ventura actually is about to lose a venue--The Bermuda Triangle, which will go the way of all those airplanes on or about Jan. 15--Santa Barbara has actually gained three new rock venues.

Besides the aforementioned Red Dog, Revival is open on Ortega Street around the corner from Zelo on State Street. With live music on the weekends, Revival has deejays during the week and the usual drink specials. Their next biggie will be New Year’s Eve with the Blue Bonnets--that’s the band of Kathy Valentine, the former Go-Go who went on her own.

Also, the Pierce Street Annex has resurfaced at a former venue. Once known as the 1129 Club, the joint featured new wave bands such as 20/20 and the Plimsouls about a decade ago. Now the Pierce Street venue features rootsy music on the weekends, which has a huge patio and, also, a bar inside. Right behind it is the site of Oscar’s, another rock venue, which is now a manuscript museum. Hmmm.

And that’s just downtown. Up in Goleta, Spike’s has reopened. That’s the place with a zillion kinds of beer and music on the weekends.

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On Thanksgiving weekend, Jeremy Donaldson, the singing half of Los Guys, went to Corvallis to be a Beaver and earn an MA in engineering, leaving guitarist Harold Lee, El Solo Dude, in Goleta.

Although Donaldson threatens to return in June for a Los Guys reunion, Lee has since formed a new band, Rice And Beans. Remember his slashing guitar solos in Los Guys? Well, Lee, just one of the guys these days, does 100% fewer solos on his new band, sort of a garage funk band. That’s sort of like Jimmy Page on triangle . . .

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OK, you thought there was a difference between the Calypso and the Beach Shack? Now, both venues are being run by the same people. Darren Stahl books for both places and is an actual living, breathing person who actually returns phone calls.

“The Calypso basically caters to an older crowd, although sometimes we get sophisticated college kids,” Stahl said. “On Monday, we have Fin, Greg & Dave; then Tuesdays it’s blues with the Pontiax, and then Wednesday it’s the Rave.

Fin & Greg, once with Pat and now with Dave, have been doing pop rock for five years on State Street; the Pontiax led by Mitch Kashmar have been doing those rockin’ blues for more than a decade; and the Rave have been playing since Beethoven was a kid.

“There’s no changes at the Beach Shack; we’re still having the college-kid type of music,” said Stahl. “On Wednesdays, we’ll have bands like The Upbeat and the Ska Daddyz. On Thursday, it’s ‘100% Rock Night’ with my deejay and bartender Ricky Suave booking hard rock bands. Our big show for January will be Dee Snyder’s new band, Widow Maker. The weekends will remain the same with bands such as Common Sense, On Root, Munkafust, Goldfish, Lion I’s and Spencer the Gardener.”

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Here’s this week’s list of happening Santa Barbara bands worth the drive to see and especially hear: Tao Jonz, Blackworm, the Upbeat, Munkafust, Spencer the Gardener, the Decline of Paisley John Shaver and Popsicko.

Bill Locey, who writes regularly on rock ‘n’ roll, has survived the mosh pit and the local music scene for many years.