LAUGH LINES

People Who Hate People: Chelsea Clinton is the subject of a cover story in People magazine. “President Clinton is outraged, and you can understand this, because he has tried very, very hard never to do anything that would embarrass his family.” (David Letterman)

Same Old, Same Old: In the story, People says Secret Service agents must live in Chelsea Clinton’s dormitory. “The agents must guard a large building with young women coming and going at all hours. It’s like they never left the White House.” (Argus Hamilton)

Word’s Out: Monica Lewinsky declared in her videotaped deposition that President Clinton never told her to lie about their affair. “In fact, he encouraged her to tell as many of her cute girlfriends about it as possible.” (Alex Kaseberg)

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The Essential

David Letterman

Hillary Clinton campaign slogans:

8. “Isn’t it time you were disappointed by a different Clinton?”

5. “Give me a vote, I’ll get Vernon Jordan to give you a job.”

4. “Still not indicted as of early ‘99!”

2. “Building a bridge to the 21st century and pushing my husband over it.”

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