TWO-MINUTE DRILL

at Cincinnati 20, Washington 13: Hear that beep-beep-beep sound? That’s the Redskins backing out of playoff contention.

at Atlanta 13, Tampa Bay 10 (OT): Selfish Falcons don’t care that victories like this will do nothing to help Michael Vick sell his house.

at Houston 13, Tennessee 12: Titans are positioning themselves perfectly to lose their first playoff game.

at Indianapolis 31, Detroit 21: 1976 Buccaneers demand Paul Tagliabue add an asterisk (“they played two extra games!”) if Lions finish winless.

San Diego 22, at Kansas City 21: Chargers fans get excited about victory until realizing that all their team did was beat the 2-12 Chiefs.

Pittsburgh 13, at Baltimore 9: Steelers go 14 games in a row without yielding 300 yards, tying the 1973 Rams for longest streak since 1970.

at Jacksonville 20, Green Bay 16: The “Will he?” or “Pretty please, will he?” Aaron Rodgers retirement watch begins in two weeks.

at Carolina 30, Denver 10: Panthers owner needs heart transplant, gets call from Al Davis saying, “I’ve lived without a heart for years!”

at N.Y. Jets 31, Buffalo 27: A confused Brett Favre wants home field in playoffs because “frozen tundra of Lambeau Field” will be beneficial.

at Miami 14, San Francisco 9: Dolphins hold opposition without a touchdown for the third game in a row, the NFL’s first such streak since 2000.

Seattle 23, at St. Louis 20: Rams fall to 2-12, causing the franchise’s fans to long for the glory days of Dieter Brock.

Minnesota 35, at Arizona 14: OK, who forgot to tell the Cardinals that clinching the division doesn’t mean the season has ended?

New England 49, at Oakland 26: You have to admire Matt Cassel’s performance after the difficult week he had.

at Dallas 20, N.Y. Giants 8: In two games against Dallas, Manning was sacked 12 times; he was sacked only 11 times in the other 12 games.